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File List | 1993-02-27 | 70KB | 1,600 lines

╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?║ ║ A: Shorter. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What would you call a sleeping bull? ║ ║ A: A Bulldozer. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What should you take when you are run down? ║ ║ A: The license plate of the car that hit you! ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why did the farmer name one of his pigs "Ink"? ║ ║ A: Because he kept running out of the pen. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why is the letter "M" used in steel mills? ║ ║ A: Because it makes More out of ore. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? ║ ║ A: "Close the door. I'm dressing." ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why is a judge like an Eskimo? ║ ║ A: Thet are both connected with just-ice. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What kind of cord is full of knots that can't be untied?║ ║ A: A cord of wood. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why did the Dork cut a hole in the carpet? ║ ║ A: He wanted to see the floor show. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What has a foot at each end and one in the middle? ║ ║ A: A yardstick. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What did the bald man say when he was given a comb? ║ ║ A: "Thanks! I will never part with it." ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What do you get when you put two bananna peels together?║ ║ A: A pair of slippers. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What do they call a spy in China? ║ ║ A: A Peking Tom. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What's the all-time hit musical for pickles? ║ ║ A: Hello Dilly. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What is every pickle's favourite game show? ║ ║ A: Let's make a Dill. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What made the pickle break up with his fiance? ║ ║ A: He soured on her. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What do you call sale on dill pickles? ║ ║ A: The devaluation of the diller. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What is the difference between illegal and unlawful? ║ ║ A: An ill eagal is a sick bird. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ I was out on a date and she caught me popping a pimple. ║ ║ She must have noticed me pinching her neck. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ My mother in law has epilepsy. She went to an auction ║ ║ and had a seizure. We lost all our money. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father? ║ ║ They called him Dad. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Which is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Baby Bigger? ║ ║ A: Baby Bigger, because he is a little Bigger. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What is the noisiest of all games? ║ ║ A: Tennis, because you can't play without raising a racket.║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: How can you communicate with a fish? ║ ║ A: Drop him a line? ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What is the hotest letter in the alphabet? ║ ║ A: "B", because it makes oil boil. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why do they call money "bread"? ║ ║ A: Because everybody "kneads" it. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why are tall people lazier than short people? ║ ║ A: Because they are longer in bed. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why is a guidebook like a pair of handcuffs? ║ ║ A: Because it is for tourists (two wrists). ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you? ║ ║ A: When you are a mouse. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why was the ghost arrested? ║ ║ A: Because he didn't have his haunting license. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What goes zzub-zzub? ║ ║ A: A bee flying backward. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why is honey scarce in Boston? ║ ║ A: Because there's only one B in Boston. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What are hippies for? ║ ║ A: To keep your leggies up. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Book Collection ║ ║ ║ ║ Keeping Cheerful by Mona Lott ║ ║ ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why did the fish cross the road? ║ ║ A: To get to the other tide. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What is the best year for kangaroos? ║ ║ A: A leap year. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why are waiters good at arithmetic? ║ ║ A: Because they know their tables. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why was the geometry teacher boring? ║ ║ A: He was a square and he talked in circles. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Did you hear about the convention for nudists? ║ ║ A: Probably not - they got little coverage. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why is an old car like a baby? ║ ║ A: Because it never goes anywhere without a rattle. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: How do you make anti-freeze? ║ ║ A: Hide her nightie. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Do you know how to get to Nevada? ║ ║ A: I haven't the Vegas idea. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What happens if you watch too many Mickey Mouse cartoons║ ║ A: You can get Disney spells. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Where will you always find diamonds? ║ ║ A: In a pack of cards. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What did one magnet say to the other? ║ ║ A: "You're very attractive". ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why are cooks cruel? ║ ║ A: Because they beat eggs and batter fish. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What did one tomato say to the other tomato? ║ ║ A: "You go ahead. I'll ketchup." ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why should you never gossip in fields? ║ ║ A: Corn has ears, potatoes have eyes, and beanstalk. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What did the deaf fisherman need? ║ ║ A: A herring aid. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What must you know to be an auctioneer? ║ ║ A: Lots. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Can a shoe box? ║ ║ A: No, but a tin can. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Why is a river rich? ║ ║ A: Because it has two banks. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: What does the sea say to the sand? ║ ║ A: Nothing - it waves. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Comedy Bytes! Joke of the Day ║ ║ ║ ║ Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? ║ ║ A: I better not tell you - you might spread it around. ║ ║ ║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ A father doesn't destroy his children. -- Lt. Carolyn Palamas, "Who Mourns for Adonais?", stardate 3468.1. A little suffering is good for the soul. -- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.0 A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on and licks it, or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away. -- Dr. Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown A princess should not be afraid -- not with a brave knight to protect her. -- McCoy, "Shore Leave", stardate 3025.3 A Vulcan can no sooner be disloyal than he can exist without breathing. -- Kirk, "The Menagerie", stardate 3012.4 A woman should have compassion. -- Kirk, "Catspaw", stardate 3018.2 Actual war is a very messy business. Very, very messy business. -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon", stardate 3193.0 After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true. -- Spock, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7 All your people must learn before you can reach for the stars. -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion", stardate 3259.2 Another dream that failed. There's nothing sadder. -- Kirk, "This side of Paradise", stardate 3417.3 Another war ... must it always be so? How many comrades have we lost in this way? ... Obedience. Duty. Death, and more death ... -- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2 "Beauty is transitory." "Beauty survives." -- Spock and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown Behind every great man, there is a woman -- urging him on. -- Harry Mudd, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3 Blast medicine anyway! We've learned to tie into every organ in the human body but one. The brain! The brain is what life is all about. -- McCoy, "The Menagerie", stardate 3012.4 But it's real. And if it's real it can be affected ... we may not be able to break it, but, I'll bet you credits to Navy Beans we can put a dent in it. -- deSalle, "Catspaw", stardate 3018.2 "Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away with jealousy, greed, hate ..." "It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness, sentiment -- the other side of the coin" -- Dr. Roger Corby and Kirk, "What are Little Girls Made Of?", stardate 2712.4 Change is the essential process of all existence. -- Spock, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", stardate 5730.2 Compassion -- that's the one things no machine ever had. Maybe it's the one thing that keeps men ahead of them. -- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3 Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them. Captain, a starship also runs on loyalty to one man. And nothing can replace it or him. -- Spock, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4729.4 Conquest is easy. Control is not. -- Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror", stardate unknown Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing. -- Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7 Death. Destruction. Disease. Horror. That's what war is all about. That's what makes it a thing to be avoided. -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon", stardate 3193.0 Do you know about being with somebody? Wanting to be? If I had the whole universe, I'd give it to you, Janice. When I see you, I feel like I'm hungry all over. Do you know how that feels? -- Charlie Evans, "Charlie X", stardate 1535.8 Do you know the one -- "All I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by ..." You could feel the wind at your back, about you ... the sounds of the sea beneath you. And even if you take away the wind and the water, it's still the same. The ship is yours ... you can feel her ... and the stars are still there. -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4729.4 [Doctors and Bartenders], We both get the same two kinds of customers -- the living and the dying. -- Dr. Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown Each kiss is as the first. -- Miramanee, Kirk's wife, "The Paradise Syndrome", stardate 4842.6 Earth -- mother of the most beautiful women in the universe. -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1 Either one of us, by himself, is expendable. Both of us are not. -- Kirk, "The Devil in the Dark", stardate 3196.1 Emotions are alien to me. I'm a scientist. -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise", stardate 3417.3 Even historians fail to learn from history -- they repeat the same mistakes. -- John Gill, "Patterns of Force", stardate 2534.7 Every living thing wants to survive. -- Spock, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3 "Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth." "Or by misleading the innocent." -- Spock and McCoy, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5. Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing. -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5818.4 Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected. -- Spock, "The Squire of Gothos", stardate 2124.5 Fascinating, a totally parochial attitude. -- Spock, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8 First study the enemy. Seek weakness. -- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2 Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man. -- Klingon Soldier, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown "... freedom ... is a worship word..." "It is our worship word too." -- Cloud William and Kirk, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown Genius doesn't work on an assembly line basis. You can't simply say, "Today I will be brilliant." -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3 "Get back to your stations!" "We're beaming down to the planet, sir." -- Kirk and Mr. Leslie, "This Side of Paradise", stardate 3417.3 History tends to exaggerate. -- Col. Green, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4 Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion (love). -- Spock, "The Lights of Zetar", stardate 5725.6 I am pleased to see that we have differences. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us. -- Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4 I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question. -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise", stardate 3417.3 I object to intellect without discipline; I object to power without constructive purpose. -- Spock, "The Squire of Gothos", stardate 2124.5 I realize that command does have its fascination, even under circumstances such as these, but I neither enjoy the idea of command nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists, and I will do whatever logically needs to be done. -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2812.7 I thought my people would grow tired of killing. But you were right, they see it is easier than trading. And it has its pleasures. I feel it myself. Like the hunt, but with richer rewards. -- Apella, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8 I'm a soldier, not a diplomat. I can only tell the truth. -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3198.9 I'm frequently appalled by the low regard you Earthmen have for life. -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3 I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is the Enterprise. -- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.0 If a man had a child who'd gone anti-social, killed perhaps, he'd still tend to protect that child. -- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3 If I can have honesty, it's easier to overlook mistakes. -- Kirk, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9 If some day we are defeated, well, war has its fortunes, good and bad. -- Commander Kor, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3201.7 If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise", stardate 3417.7 Immortality consists largely of boredom. -- Zefrem Cochrane, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8 In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians. -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4 Insufficient facts always invite danger. -- Spock, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9 Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1 Intuition, however illogical, is recognized as a command prerogative. -- Kirk, "Obsession", stardate 3620.7 Is not that the nature of men and women -- that the pleasure is in the learning of each other? -- Natira, the High Priestess of Yonada, "For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky", stardate 5476.3. Is truth not truth for all? -- Natira, "For the World is Hollow and I have Touched the Sky", stardate 5476.4. It [being a Vulcan] means to adopt a philosophy, a way of life which is logical and beneficial. We cannot disregard that philosophy merely for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be. -- Spock, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4 It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they're attractive in some way. -- McCoy, "The Trouble with Tribbles", stardate 4525.6 It is more rational to sacrifice one life than six. -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3 It is necessary to have purpose. -- Alice #1, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3 It is undignified for a woman to play servant to a man who is not hers. -- Spock, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7 It would be illogical to assume that all conditions remain stable -- Spock, "The Enterprise" Incident", stardate 5027.3 It would be illogical to kill without reason -- Spock, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4 It would seem that evil retreats when forcibly confronted -- Yarnek of Excalbia, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5 "It's hard to believe that something which is neither seen nor felt can do so much harm." "That's true. But an idea can't be seen or felt. And that's what kept the Troglytes in the mines all these centuries. A mistaken idea." -- Vanna and Kirk, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5819.0 Killing is stupid; useless! -- McCoy, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8 Killing is wrong. -- Losira, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown Knowledge, sir, should be free to all! -- Harry Mudd, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3 Landru! Guide us! -- A Beta 3-oid, "The Return of the Archons", stardate 3157.4 Leave bigotry in your quarters; there's no room for it on the bridge. -- Kirk, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2 "Life and death are seldom logical." "But attaining a desired goal always is." -- McCoy and Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2821.7 Live long and prosper. -- Spock, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7 "Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here." "You admit that?" "To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor" -- Spock and McCoy, "A Piece of the Action", stardate unknown Lots of people drink from the wrong bottle sometimes. -- Edith Keeler, "The City on the Edge of Forever", stardate unknown Love sometimes expresses itself in sacrifice. -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3220.3 Madness has no purpose. Or reason. But it may have a goal. -- Spock, "The Alternative Factor", stardate 3088.7 Many Myths are based on truth -- Spock, "The Way to Eden", stardate 5832.3 Men of peace usually are [brave]. -- Spock, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5 Men will always be men -- no matter where they are. -- Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1329.8 Military secrets are the most fleeting of all. -- Spock, "The Enterprise Incident", stardate 5027.4 Most legends have their basis in facts. -- Kirk, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5 Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God. -- M-5 Computer, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3 No more blah, blah, blah! -- Kirk, "Miri", stardate 2713.6 No one can guarantee the actions of another. -- Spock, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned. -- Kirk, "Spock's Brain", stardate 5431.6 "No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war." "He talks of peace if it is the only way to live." -- Colonel Green and Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5. No one wants war. -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3201.7 No problem is insoluble. -- Dr. Janet Wallace, "The Deadly Years", stardate 3479.4 Not one hundred percent efficient, of course ... but nothing ever is. -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8 Oh, that sound of male ego. You travel halfway across the galaxy and it's still the same song. -- Eve McHuron, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1 On my planet, to rest is to rest -- to cease using energy. To me, it is quite illogical to run up and down on green grass, using energy, instead of saving it. -- Spock, "Shore Leave", stardate 3025.2 One does not thank logic. -- Sarek, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4 One of the advantages of being a captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it. -- Kirk, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.2 Only a fool fights in a burning house. -- Kank the Klingon, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown Our missions are peaceful -- not for conquest. When we do battle, it is only because we have no choice. -- Kirk, "The Squire of Gothos", stardate 2124.5 Our way is peace. -- Septimus, the Son Worshiper, "Bread and Circuses", stardate 4040.7. Pain is a thing of the mind. The mind can be controlled. -- Spock, "Operation -- Annihilate!" stardate 3287.2 Peace was the way. -- Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever", stardate unknown Power is danger. -- The Centurion, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2 Prepare for tomorrow -- get ready. -- Edith Keeler, "The City On the Edge of Forever", stardate unknown Punishment becomes ineffective after a certain point. Men become insensitive. -- Eneg, "Patterns of Force", stardate 2534.7 Respect is a rational process -- McCoy, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3 Romulan women are not like Vulcan females. We are not dedicated to pure logic and the sterility of non-emotion. -- Romulan Commander, "The Enterprise Incident", stardate 5027.3 Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on. -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon", stardate 3193.9 Sometimes a man will tell his bartender things he'll never tell his doctor. -- Dr. Phillip Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown. Suffocating together ... would create heroic camaraderie. -- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed", stardate 3142.8 Superior ability breeds superior ambition. -- Spock, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9 "That unit is a woman." "A mass of conflicting impulses." -- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9 "The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile." "Yes, the philosophy of 'none,' meaning 'all.'" -- Spock and Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4 The face of war has never changed. Surely it is more logical to heal than to kill. -- Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5 "The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity." "And in the way our differences combine to create meaning and beauty." -- Dr. Miranda Jones and Spock, "Is There in Truth No Beauty?", stardate 5630.8 The heart is not a logical organ. -- Dr. Janet Wallace, "The Deadly Years", stardate 3479.4 The idea of male and female are universal constants. -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8 The joys of love made her human and the agonies of love destroyed her. -- Spock, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5842.8 The man on tops walks a lonely street; the "chain" of command is often a noose. The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play. -- Kirk, "Shore Leave", stardate 3025.8 The only solution is ... a balance of power. We arm our side with exactly that much more. A balance of power -- the trickiest, most difficult, dirtiest game of them all. But the only one that preserves both sides. -- Kirk, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8 The people of Gideon have always believed that life is sacred. That the love of life is the greatest gift ... We are incapable of destroying or interfering with the creation of that which we love so deeply -- life in every form from fetus to developed being. -- Hodin of Gideon, "The Mark of Gideon", stardate 5423.4 ... The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when then get to know each other. -- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5 "The release of emotion is what keeps us health. Emotionally healthy." "That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you." -- McCoy and Spock, "Plato's Stepchildren", stardate 5784.3 The sight of death frightens them [Earthers]. -- Kras the Klingon, "Friday's Child", stardate 3497.2 The sooner our happiness together begins, the longer it will last. -- Miramanee, "The Paradise Syndrome", stardate 4842.6 ... The things love can drive a man to -- the ecstasies, the the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures and the glorious victories. -- McCoy, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7 There are always alternatives. -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3 There are certain things men must do to remain men. -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4929.4 There are some things worth dying for. -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3201.7 There comes to all races an ultimate crisis which you have yet to face .... One day our minds became so powerful we dared think of ourselves as gods. -- Sargon, "Return to Tomorrow", stardate 4768.3 There is an old custom among my people. When a woman saves a man's life, he is grateful. -- Nona, the Kanuto which woman, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8. There is an order of things in this universe. -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1 There's a way out of any cage. -- Captain Christopher Pike, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown. There's another way to survive. Mutual trust -- and help. -- Kirk, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending. -- Abraham Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5 There's nothing disgusting about it [the Companion]. It's just another life form, that's all. You get used to those things. -- McCoy, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8 "There's only one kind of woman ..." "Or man, for that matter. You either believe in yourself or you don't." -- Kirk and Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1 This cultural mystique surrounding the biological function -- you realize humans are overly preoccupied with the subject. -- Kelinda the Kelvan, "By Any Other Name", stardate 4658.9 Those who hate and fight must stop themselves -- otherwise it is not stopped. -- Spock, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown To live is always desirable. -- Eleen the Capellan, "Friday's Child", stardate 3498.9 Too much of anything, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing. -- Kirk, "The Trouble with Tribbles", stardate 4525.6 Totally illogical, there was no chance. -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3 Uncontrolled power will turn even saints into savages. And we can all be counted on to live down to our lowest impulses. -- Parmen, "Plato's Stepchildren", stardate 5784.3 Violence in reality is quite different from theory. -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5818.4 Virtue is a relative term. -- Spock, "Friday's Child", stardate 3499.1 Vulcans believe peace should not depend on force. -- Amanda, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.3 Vulcans do not approve of violence. -- Spock, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4 Vulcans never bluff. -- Spock, "The Doomsday Machine", stardate 4202.1 Vulcans worship peace above all. -- McCoy, "Return to Tomorrow", stardate 4768.3 War is never imperative. -- McCoy, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2 War isn't a good life, but it's life. -- Kirk, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8 [War] is instinctive. But the instinct can be fought. We're human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands! But we can stop it. We can admit that we're killers ... but we're not going to kill today. That's all it takes! Knowing that we're not going to kill today! -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon", stardate 3193.0 We do not colonize. We conquer. We rule. There is no other way for us. -- Rojan, "By Any Other Name", stardate 4657.5 We fight only when there is no other choice. We prefer the ways of peaceful contact. -- Kirk, "Spectre of the Gun", stardate 4385.3 We have found all life forms in the galaxy are capable of superior development. -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion", stardate 3211.7 We have phasers, I vote we blast 'em! -- Bailey, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.2 "We have the right to survive!" "Not by killing others." -- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye", stardate 5710.5 We Klingons believe as you do -- the sick should die. Only the strong should live. -- Kras, "Friday's Child", stardate 3497.2 "What happened to the crewman?" "The M-5 computer needed a new power source, the crewman merely got in the way."-- Kirk and Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3. What kind of love is that? Not to be loved; never to have shown love. -- Commissioner Nancy Hedford, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8 "What terrible way to die." "There are no good ways." -- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown When a child is taught ... its programmed with simple instructions -- and at some point, if its mind develops properly, it exceeds the sum of what it was taught, thinks independently. -- Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3. When dreams become more important than reality, you give up travel, building, creating; you even forget how to repair the machines left behind by your ancestors. You just sit living and reliving other lifes left behind in the thought records. -- Vina, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown Where there's no emotion, there's no motive for violence. -- Spock, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.1 Without facts, the decision cannot be made logically. You must rely on your human intuition. -- Spock, "Assignment: Earth", stardate unknown Without followers, evil cannot spread. -- Spock, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5 Without freedom of choice there is no creativity. -- Kirk, "The return of the Archons", stardate 3157.4 Women are more easily and more deeply terrified ... generating more sheer horror than the male of the species. -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4 Women professionals do tend to over-compensate. -- Dr. Elizabeth Dehaver, "Where No Man Has Gone Before", stardate 1312.9. Worlds may change, galaxies disintegrate, but a woman always remains a woman. -- Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9 Yes, it is written. Good shall always destroy evil. -- Sirah the Yang, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown You are an excellent tactician, Captain. You let your second in command attack while you sit and watch for weakness. -- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9 You can't evaluate a man by logic alone. -- McCoy, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3 You Earth people glorified organized violence for forty centuries. But you imprison those who employ it privately. -- Spock, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.1 You go slow, be gentle. It's no one-way street -- you know how you feel and that's all. It's how the girl feels too. Don't press. If the girl feels anything for you at all, you'll know. -- Kirk, "Charlie X", stardate 1535.8 You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. "You're welcome," I believe, is the correct response. -- Spock, "Bread and Circuses", stardate 4041.2 You say you are lying. But if everything you say is a lie, then you are telling the truth. You cannot tell the truth because everything you say is a lie. You lie, you tell the truth ... but you cannot, for you lie. -- Norman the android, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3 You speak of courage. Obviously you do not know the difference between courage and foolhardiness. Always it is the brave ones who die, the soldiers.-- Kor, the Klingon Commander, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3201.7 You! What PLANET is this! -- McCoy, "The City on the Edge of Forever", stardate 3134.0 You'll learn something about men and women -- the way they're supposed to be. Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good to each other. That's what we call love. You'll like that a lot. -- Kirk, "The Apple", stardate 3715.6 You're dead, Jim -- McCoy, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7 You're dead, Jim -- McCoy, "The Tholian Web", stardate unknown You're too beautiful to ignore. Too much woman. -- Kirk to Yeoman Rand, "The Enemy Within", stardate unknown Youth doesn't excuse everything. -- Dr. Janice Lester (in Kirk's body), "Turnabout Intruder", stardate 5928.5. Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to defensive capability. I believe that is the route this country will eventually go. -- Vice President Dan Quayle I not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people. The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress. -- Vice President Dan Quayle I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman. -- Vice President Dan Quayle We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising'. -- Vice President Dan Quayle The US has a vital interest in that area of the country. -- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America. Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP, two countries. That's a statement in and of itself. -- Vice President Dan Quayle Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia. Unbelievable. -- Vice President Dan Quayle Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring. May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world. -- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy, though.] Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part. -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after the San Francisco earthquake of 1989. [this may be a joke; the source is unclear. but it's still funny] getting [cruise missles] more accurate so that we can have precise precision. -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative work dealing with cruise missles I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that have had a difficult time. -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at an Ohio steel plant,1988 [I will never have] another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo. -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the Benson debate Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations and I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does that answer your question? -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked what he would do if he assumed the Presidency,1988 Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin. -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports of his aides having to, in effect, "potty train" him. I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this country. -- Vice President Dan Quayle Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. -- Vice President Dan Quayle The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to tomorrow or past to the -- to the back! -- Vice President Dan Quayle We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America. -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988 We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier. -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988 We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world. -- Vice President Dan Quayle This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States! -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988 Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the family, but that is a family and family values. I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in our platform, is to talk about it. I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family. And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family. -- Vice President Dan Quayle Question: Why isn't Bush worried about Quayle as President? Answer: Because he knows it won't happen in HIS lifetime. It's now been revealed why Vice President Dan Quayle was so seemingly unconcerned with the Presidents recent heart condition. When asked, Mr. Quayle responded "Oh, I'm not worried. Alexander Haig is next in line anyway." It's rural America. It's where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America. -- Vice President Dan Quayle Target prices? How that works? I know quite a bit about farm policy. I come from Indiana, which is a farm state. Deficiency payments - which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands. We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar, making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of. -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to define the term "target prices." Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds. The more I have, the more I want. The more I want, the less I have. The less I have, the less I want. The less I want, the more I have.... Being great, it passes on; Passing on, it becomes remote; Having become remote, it returns. - Lao Tsu He who is conscious of danger creates peace for himself; he who takes things lightly creates his own downfall. - I Ching The measure of a minds evolution is its acceptance of the unacceptable. Let go, and let's grow! It is impossible not to think of something by trying not to think about it. Karma - anything we do to others we do to ourselves; "All is One." Fortunes and misfortunes are not cause and effect, but learning opportunities specifically and carefully chosen by each soul for its own development. We are not the victims of circumstance, but the architects of our lives, our selves, our feelings, and our unconscious produces it in perfect accordance with our predominant conscious beliefs. People forget their past lives because they don't want to remember their ugly, selfish actions which would humble their pride and make it impossible for them to feel superior to others. Pride is possible only when we forget our past failures. However, he who forgets his past is doomed to repeat it. Whenever you really ask for help, and not just pity, you will always receive it. There are two necessary factors in all learning: sufficient desire and sufficient belief. The two factors in all learning: desire and belief, are developed by cumulative failure-success experiences. The more of these you have, the faster you learn. Truth is always a function of the size of one's perspective. That is, the larger your perspective, the more truths you can comprehend. What people fear and hate most in others is only their own negative past. Desire - A joyously peaceful acceptance of the fact that what you most want to happen will happen. - QUOTE file from the Assignment Earth BBS, Trinity, NC ph# 919-434-8664; 9600/8/N/1 You shouldn't mess with Mother Nature! If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Thought for the day... The liquidation of old-growth forests in Oregon in 1988 released almost 7 million tons of carbon dioxide -- approximately 17 percent of the state's total carbon dioxide emmissions. -- Oregon Department of Energy, Task Force on Global Warming "Scott me up, Beamie!" - seen on the bathroom wall, by Larry Laffer. The other lane moves faster... It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. "Some species would thrive in a warming world." -- John Sununu, in defending Bush Administrations refusal to cooperate with the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) to reduce the international carbon emission rate. "Studies show those species to be cock-roaches, slime mold, and politicians." -- Editor of REAL GOODS reaction to Sununu's unbelieveable statement. SYSOP'ing... It's not an adventure, it's a JOB!!! Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. The light at the end of the tunnel is the lamp of an oncoming train. Thought for the day... Every day, 3,500 acres of rural America is bull dozed to make way for new buildings and highways. -- American Demographics A rolling stone gathers momentum. Ahhhhhhhh, I forgot what I was going to say. On a clear disk you can seek forever. "Beam me up Scotty! There's no intelligent life down here." - Captain James T. Kirk It's not my fault! Hard drive backup...?! Well, I was going to do it as soon as I got time... Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about. Any program, once running, is obsolete. George T. Angell, 1823-1909 I am sometimes asked "Why do you spend so much of your time and money talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?" I answer: "I am working at the roots." Charles Darwin, 1809-1882 The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man. Doris Day, 1927- Killing an animal to make a coat is a sin. It wasn't meant to be and we have no right to do it. A woman gains status when she refuses to see anything killed to be put on her back. Then she's truly beautiful. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, 1869-1948 The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Glenda Jackson, 1936- No one really needs a mink coat in this world...except minks. Abraham Lincoln, 1809-1865 I am in favour of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being. Abraham Lincoln, 1809-1865 I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it. Konrad Lorenz, 1903- The fidelity of a dog is a precious gift demanding no less binding moral responsibilities than the friendship of a human being....Even today man's heart is still the same as that of the higher social animals, no matter how far the achievements of his reason and his rational moral sense transcend theirs. The plain fact that my dog loves me more than I love him is undeniable and always fills me with a certain feeling of shame. Maimonides (Rabbi Moses ben Maimon), 1135-1204 It should not be believed that all beings exist for the sake of the existence of man. On the contrary, all the other beings too have been intended for their own sakes and not for the sake of anything else. Minnie Pearl, 1912- So often when you start talking about kindness to animals...someone comments that starving and mistreated children should come first. The issue can't be divided like that. It isn't a choice between animals and children. It's our duty to care for both. Kindness is the important thing. Kids and animals are our responsibility. Pythagoras, 6th century B.C. Animals share with us the privilege of having a soul. Dont let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. BO DIDDLEY I never loved another person the way I loved myself. MAE WEST When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one Ive never tried before. MAE WEST Her life was saved by rock and roll. LOU REED If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? RICHARD M NIXON If youve seen one redwood, youve seen them all. RONALD REAGAN Use it up ... Wear it out. Make it do ... Or do without. US WORLD WAR II MESSAGE The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak. WAVY GRAVY You smash it - and I'll build around it. JOHN LENNON Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. ARTHUR C CLARKE Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic. ARTHUR C CLARKE The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. ABBIE HOFFMAN I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. OSCAR WILDE We are what we pretend to be. KURT VONNEGUT, JR We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. OSCAR WILDE The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. ALBERT EINSTEIN If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitiable. JOHN F KENNEDY Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. BULLWINKLE MOOSE The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. PAUL ERLICH We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately - Benjamin Franklin - Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on... - Winston Churchill - We have met the enemy and he is us - Walt Kelly (in POGO) - Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. Albert Einstein I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work. Gallagher Asked what he thought of Western civilization, M. K. Gandhi said, "I think it would be an excellent idea". I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem. I have seen the future, and it is unavoidable. Some experts estimate that 40% of the pollution in America's waterways is from used crankcase oil. About 2.1 million tons of the stuff finds its way into our rivers and streams every year! -The Earth Works Group Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song Fight the Greenhouse Effect: PLANT TREES!!! Save paper..... send it by modem! The Earth is Home.... Go clean your room! The human race is still in beta testing... Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment A good planet is hard to find. ENVIRO FACT: Japan, the world's leading importer of tropical hardwoods, has virtually, by itself, exhausted the resources of, first the Phillippines, then Indonesia and finally, Malaysia. Quote Submitted by: CARL VINSON "Sorry to interrupt the festivities, but we have a problem." - HAL 9000, during Frank Poole's birthday party. Quote Submitted by: RICKY JOHNSON Avoid being a SNIOP: Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People. - Zig Ziglar @CLS@@07@@1F@ @1E@WILD BEE'S BBS @11@█@1E@█ 209 826-8107 █ ▀▄ @4E@ @1E@ ▄▀ ▀▄@10@▄@07@ @10@▄@1E@▄▀ @01@▀@10@███████ ███████ ███@0F@▄███▄@10@███@0F@▄███▄@10@██ @01@██@10@██@0F@▐███████▌███████▌@10@█ @01@██@10@███@0F@████▀▀▀█▀▀▀████▌ @1F@ @01@██ @0E@▄█▄@0F@▀██ █ ██▀@0E@▄▄█▄@01@▀▀@11@ @01@ @0E@▄█████▄▄@0F@▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀@0E@▄██████ @1E@ @0E@ ███▀███▌ @07@▀▀▀ @0E@▐@1E@██████@0E@ @1E@ @0E@ ▀█▄▄▀████▄▄▄▄▄▄███▀ █@1E@█@0E@▀ @1E@ @01@▄@0E@▀██▄ ▄██▀@01@▄▄▄@11@ @01@▄▄@0E@▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀@01@▄▄@11@ @18@ANSI BEE by ED REY